I am loosing my memory.
That one thing I have always been proud of.

These medications they give me are blocking my thoughts to reach the far back of the memory lane, where all the grief is hidden.

I do remember somethings...


I remember the first time we met
But I don't remember how you made me feel.

My heart doesn't love you anymore but my brain doesn't let me think negative of you

And then suddenly,

My heart gives me reasons to love you
But my non-drugged brain kicks in and tells me "stop!"

There is a constant battle inside of me.
Unlike others, it is not of good or evil.
But of a dying heart, a drugged brain and scattered thoughts of a subconscious one.

I don't know who will win, all I know is that;


The heart remembers...it never forgets.

A MEMORY OF A LIFE

I remember my first day to school.
But, I don't remember surviving through it.

I remember those who brought me candies and took me outside.
But, I don't remember the pain of my mother beating me up

I remember the older cousin who held my hand when we all were playing hide and seek
But, I don't remember why he locked me with himself in the bathroom for his ulterior motives.

I remember I used to paint and sketch in the classrooms looking outside the window
But, I don't remember how to paint or sketch anymore.

I remember how we met.
But, I don't remember how you made me feel

I remember my first period. That I had become a "woman".
But, I don't remember the feeling of being imprisoned in my own house because of that

I remember the excitement of getting married.
But, I don't remember the pain of it not happening with you

I remember the joy of having my own place
But, I don't remember my voice screaming being domestically violated in it

I remember bleeding to death and waiting for you.
But, I don't remember if you ever came.